I surrendered the resistance, my self-imposed expectations and rules and methods of how to pray; how to talk to God. My God wants me to come as I am. And I did.
Woke up this morning feeling conflicted in my Spirit. Unrest; some anger; a touch of fear; impatience. Frustrated with my shortcomings. Unwillingness to walk through the day’s tasks believing them to be the cause of my discontent.
The irony of this stage of my life is not wasted on me: being freer that ever before while being given the “assignment” to be Mom’s sole caregiver. I don’t want to see the blank expressions or watch the shuffle walk or hear the shortness of breath as I answer the same questions over and over again. When I feel “ground to dust” by the assignment of caring for my mother; it is then that I need a restoration to sanity. A return to the reality of my place in God’s world.
My history has proven beyond the shadow of a doubt that I do not possess all of what is required to experience the freedom to love God, self and others. My greatest source of strength comes from my decision to ask God for help. I can ask. I will ask. I am asking now.
“We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” 2 Cor. 4:8-9
Faith & Roses 
Leave a comment