Faith & Roses

Am I loveable? That was a “prompt” given to me by someone I have much respect for. So, off I went with it. My first thoughts were: “Well, let’s see. Who are the people that love me?” Hmmm, is this avenue missing the mark?

Why or how am I loveable? Mistakes … setbacks … harm to self and others … losses … doubts … judgements … opinions … the whole flaws/shortcomings of character realizations. Now of course that’s not all of me. Nor is that all of anyone I’ve every encountered. It’s been a long road with no end in sight to come to believe in a Higher Power. A spark that exists in me and in all of us. Seeking and praying, community with others… these are the avenues that led and continue to lead me to simply recognizing that “spark” in my Self and others.

As closely and consistently as I identify with “Larry David” I do believe in our “sparks.” I was going on and on in therapy recently with this litany: “Why do I always question my faith? Is it real? Is it enough? Can it or should it be better, more and different? Am I deluding myself thinking that all will be well? Do I have real faith?” To which Marjory replied: “Who cares! The lapse is normal. More faith is the answer to doubt!” She also gave me this suggestion: “be well aware of the malignancy of that voice that speaks to you!”

“I willingly accept my weaknesses, my irritations and my moods, my headaches and fatigue, all my defects of body, mind and soul. Because they are your will for me, these “handicaps” of my humanity, I gladly suffer them. Make me content with all my discontents, but give me strength to struggle after you.”
Clarence Engler