Faith & Roses

Tameka and I took mom to Live! casino yesterday. We also had the bonus of meeting up with Roe G. We were out for a couple of hours. I gave the casino my money and mission was accomplished: Mom got out in the world. Tameka continues to settle in beyond all my hopes.

My assignment does not include trying to fix, manage, control and/or change Mom. My work is to lean in, further and further, into the God of my understanding. I have no place else to turn with any of this. This is life. On life’s terms. And as the source and creator of this life, I can only and at best, go to my Higher Power.

[We are attempting to have someone for a few hours in the evening. Like say 5 to 9 or 10 pm]. Today, Mom wouldn’t let Alissiya in. For 30 minutes my mother sat in her throne (recliner to the rest of us mortals) and refused to let this young lady into her castle. Alissiya finally decided to text me and continue to wait patiently on Mom’s doorstep. I apologized to the her and released her. And then the work began of resisting all of the (really strong) urges to get dressed and march over to Mom’s to give her the “deal.” The “hit.” The “this is the way it is and damn it you better get your shit together and COMPLY!” I sit here now giving my Self the privilege of breathing. Slowly, deeply in and fully out.

“If the good Lord’s willing and the creek don’t rise” I will show up at Mom’s tomorrow. I will bring her watermelon and sit with her. I will put a pizza in the oven. There’s a beautiful verse somewhere in Scripture that goes something like this: “He has knit you together in your mother’s womb.” Mom and I are connected. She is in the process of leaving and that is a fact. I don’t know when or how and I don’t profess to see the future. Thank you Higher Power for your mercy and grace that keep the future safely hidden from me. I’ve got my hands full with Today.

So I am “in it to win it” and in her own way, I am fairly certain that Mom is too.