August 14, 2023
I have learned something to be true that I once did not believe. I learned that I can love someone with all my heart and yet not thrive in the relationship. I can love someone with all my heart and feel alone. I can love someone intensely and be willing to sacrifice my beliefs and…
Keep readingAugust 12, 2023
No matter what I can’t see; no matter what I’m not able to hear; no matter how unsure my steps; and no matter my choices, Higher Power will not fail. I may doubt; wonder why; feel despondent and unable to go on … as long as I continue to pray for willingness, all will be…
Keep readingJuly 31, 2023
Mom continues to journey home. My Higher Power continues to bless her with guided steps, protection, and freedom from pain. Sleeping and sleeping. She can finally rest and sleep like she never did in her stronger years. The caring I feel in my heart for her is real. And I know that because it is…
Keep readingJuly 18 – 20, 2023
I cannot ask for “more” of anything. This is true. I cannot ask for:- more protection- more financial provision- more peace in my home- more friends- more health- more love from my children- more food- more rest- more talents and treasures- more Mom- more time to be “here” I could go on… Gratitude and thankfulness…
Keep readingJuly 5, 2023
I saw a photo of Mom taken in January on her birthday when we went to the casino. It allowed me to see how much she has declined over the past six months. I don’t see where, at this rate of decline, Mom will be here in another six months. She barely eats these days;…
Keep readingJune 26, 2023
Checking on Mom via the Ring cameras is heart-breaking. Yet, I had the fleeting remembrance last night of my therapist’s perspective: “This is her death. You cannot change it. You can only keep vigil with her.” Mom is not in pain and she is in her home. Yet, I feel pulled in many directions most…
Keep readingJune 25, 2023
Going about my morning, I spent time on the phone. Read some. Then… I remembered that Terrence was gone. My heart hurts. I really want a do-over on this one. Don’t want to accept it. I’m so grateful for all my Terrence hugs. My Terrence smiles. Having had the privilege of conversations with Terrence. Listening…
Keep readingJune 24, 2023
I had a great cry last night and, for part of it, I had Kevin on the other end of the phone. We lost Terrence. He passed on the twenty-second. More will be revealed. I pray he is whole, free and floating with the stars. I pray for his family, girlfriend and close friends. I…
Keep readingJune 22, 2023
Sat with Mom yesterday. Got her to smile a few times. I love her so. “Resurrect your mind from the little habits that keep you worldly all the time. Smile that perpetual smile — that smile of God. Smile that strong smile of balanced recklessness — that million-dollar smile that no one can take from…
Keep readingApril 22 & 23, 2023
A prayer… Rescue me, Higher Power, from the snares and lusts of this life here. Stay by my side as I travel paths where you are not welcomed or recognized. Keep me from the distractions of emptiness and futility that surround me. Cast my self-obsession and despair far from me. Sharpen my eyes that I…
Keep readingApril 9 – 11, 2023
Easter Sunday. Quiet. Coffee. Home Group today. It was a busy week: hospice care, “Comfort Care,” case manager, social worker, RN, chaplain, drug delivery, freebie delivery. We made it through. Thank God whose presence and power I am aware of. New meds for Mom. She was really knocked out last night. It would be better…
Keep readingMarch 12-16, 2023
Brief musing: Fantasy: living in the past’s first cousin. Another way to medicate my feelings. I filled in for Mom’s aid yesterday. I am always appreciative of what these aids do. It was “okay,” and I did what I needed to do. Mom is failing more. Sleeping a lot – quietly tapping out on and…
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Faith & Roses 
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