Faith & Roses

Being a caregiver. That is part of who and what I am. I’ve had to grow, slowly, into acceptance of this role, this assignment. And it is, indeed, an “assignment.” I’ve grown into calling myself a caregiver in a way very similar to how I’ve moved from referring to Mom’s “cognition issues” as dementia. (Smaller bites of reality beats denial every time!)

Just the other day, as I prayed for strength and patience with Mom, my Higher Power revealed to me how I’ve been steadily focusing on mom’s losses; the things she can no longer do. “HP” began to turn my attention and my vision to all Mom can do, has been doing; and the understanding that I don’t know what it’s like for for when she is aware of her slowly increasing losses of independence. Compassion and love replaced fear and impatient exhaustion, and I was renewed with faith that God is merciful and in control.

I began to express my gratitude for all Mom can still do at the age of 89. The list was long and topping it was: “She knows where she is!!” Practicing faith and gratitude changes caregiving from a physically demanding roller coaster to a source of great Spiritual growth and Strength.

Mom and I are “pals,” road dawgs, members of the same tribe. She’s my “home girl.” She has always, unfailingly shown me love. Unconditional love at that!

In the Program we say “Don’t tell help how to help.” I then understood that I don’t get to tell “love how to love.” I am so deeply grateful for Rosaria Serena Melita DiPasquale. My goal, and my assignment are one in the same. To love her unconditionally, moment-by-moment to the best of my ability. To receive her love unconditionally. To allow my HP’s love to flow through me to her, her to me, and round and round.

Our words are powerful. I need to be mindful of my words to myself… to mom … about myself and about Mom.