Faith & Roses

I’m so very tired this morning. I could go lay down and fall right to sleep. It’s a beautiful morning… and it’s also almost the end of August. Remember: I cannot experience what has not happened yet. Today I will go to Mom’s and sit with her through to evening. We will watch one of the Ella Fitzgerald DVDs. All else will fall away. I may or may not eat well… I certainly have not been eating well at all. No full meals. No vegetables or greens… at all. No balanced diet. It all feels like too much to handle right now.

Beginning with Mom’s fall at 5 am on 8/28 until now, 7:09 am, 8/31, I am grateful I did not use. And I am grateful to be sitting here now. Mom is okay. She’s been sleeping in the hospital bed and she actually used the commode. Keeping hope, faith, and trust and standing firmly has been worthwhile. All worked out with Medicaid and filing the Appeal letter, etc. Living beyond ‘results,’ the care of a Higher Power is evident. ‘Results” are not the point at all. ‘Outcome’ is not the point. Not any longer. (Maybe it never is.) The point is faith for its own sake. Hope and trust for their own sakes. The reciprocity of the me/God relationship. The acknowledgement of my humanity and powerlessness for its own sake… it’s our beauty. It’s a ‘yes’ to my humanity. My Higher Power needs no ‘reason.’ God is God for me.