Hope
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It is my “NA Anniversary.” Thirty-one years. Thirty-one years ago I was living with a husband and our two children. I had run out of ways and means to continue to medicate myself. I had no idea of anything I felt inside. No idea of how to stop the drugs. I was scared and didn’t…
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Living in Mom’s house. I never really wanted to. I still feel that way now. Some folks have mentioned the benefit of taking Mom’s house, and the benefit they offer is always financial. But I can’t imagine Mom’s house ever being anything other than her house. I cannot imagine Mom’s house looking any other way…
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Yesterday there was a weight of sadness on my heart… missing Mom. I prayed (talked to God). Talked to her. Gave myself the truth that grief is inevitable. I miss her. I am trying to live in the gratitude of having spent so much time with her over the last four years. Visits, TV, movies,…
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My mind nas been thinking of the times when I was traveling along my spiritual journey … immature in the ways of gratitude and humility. When I fell short of the mark of unconditional love and respect that Mom so freely gave to me, and which she deserved to have reciprocated. In the past four…
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Bear witness and don’t step ahead of God. That is my revised assignment. That is what comes to my heart as I sit here, in my home, in the quiet of early morning. Bear witness and follow my God. There is no more fretting and flitting from place to place. Bear witness and follow my…
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God Is Good. Start with the truth to get to and remain in the truth.It’s been difficult to see Mom fading away, yet bearing witness is a gift in many ways. Death is a part of this life. A doorway, a transition, leaving behind this time and space continuum. Mom is moving forward. For Mom,…
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I’m so very tired this morning. I could go lay down and fall right to sleep. It’s a beautiful morning… and it’s also almost the end of August. Remember: I cannot experience what has not happened yet. Today I will go to Mom’s and sit with her through to evening. We will watch one of…
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Brief musing: Fantasy: living in the past’s first cousin. Another way to medicate my feelings. I filled in for Mom’s aid yesterday. I am always appreciative of what these aids do. It was “okay,” and I did what I needed to do. Mom is failing more. Sleeping a lot – quietly tapping out on and…
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I have been reminded [often] lately that I need help. Help only a Power greater than myself can provide. When I resist asking; when I choose to ruminate, and go on and on about what I see or what I think I see–what I think I know or don’t know–no goodness can get through. There…
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There are gifts in adversity. Being further drawn into recognition and acceptance of my complete dependence on God, as I understand God to be. It is a gift of powerlessness to choose to come back to the source again, and again and again. It is a gift of adversity to have the freedom to choose…
Faith & Roses 