faith
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I am depressed and in my Bardo. My life of work, caring for Mom, and my “next life.” I am old. That is true. However, age can be attacked or embraced; respected. Maybe there isn’t much for me to do in this Bardo. I can acknowledge my depression and learn from the shadows. In-between-lives. Can…
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When was the last time I asked God… as I understand God to be… for a miracle? The need for and what constitutes a miracle is subjective, no? What would be a miracle for me might be an ordinary, every day occurrence for someone else. For me, miracles exist. I have experienced all kind of…
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Of all the people… of all songs??!! Never did I choose this. My Higher Power came on my heart as I had thoughts of Mom. “Barry Manilow — There’s a piece of a song in my heart… what is that song??? It’s on me — pieces of lyrics running into pieces of melody!!” And there…
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Yesterday there was a weight of sadness on my heart… missing Mom. I prayed (talked to God). Talked to her. Gave myself the truth that grief is inevitable. I miss her. I am trying to live in the gratitude of having spent so much time with her over the last four years. Visits, TV, movies,…
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Bear witness and don’t step ahead of God. That is my revised assignment. That is what comes to my heart as I sit here, in my home, in the quiet of early morning. Bear witness and follow my God. There is no more fretting and flitting from place to place. Bear witness and follow my…
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“Self-realization is the knowing — in body, mind and soul — that we are one with the omnipresence of God; that we do not have to pray that it come to us, that we are not merely near it at all times, but that God’s omnipresence is our omnipresence; that we are just as much…
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Yesterday a priest came to Mom’s. I wish I could remember his name! He is a native of Ukraine. Dear man. Kind, open, bright-eyed. Looked Mom and me right in our eyes. He travelled a far distance to see Mom and give her three Catholic sacraments:– Reconciliation– Communion– Anointing of the sickThe oil he had…
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I’m so very tired this morning. I could go lay down and fall right to sleep. It’s a beautiful morning… and it’s also almost the end of August. Remember: I cannot experience what has not happened yet. Today I will go to Mom’s and sit with her through to evening. We will watch one of…
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Brief musing: Fantasy: living in the past’s first cousin. Another way to medicate my feelings. I filled in for Mom’s aid yesterday. I am always appreciative of what these aids do. It was “okay,” and I did what I needed to do. Mom is failing more. Sleeping a lot – quietly tapping out on and…
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The eve of my 30 year Recovery anniversary… A super-relaxing day. Read half of another good book. Getting a little antsy for home, but not to the point that it’s taking me out of the moments. Committed to making the journey back enjoying what there is to enjoy around traveling. Surrendering and releasing imaginings of…
Faith & Roses 