Faith & Roses

Random thought: Little girl boo-boos and a woman’s indignation. Yep. That’s me.

I keep seeking a higher power and then I squeeze my eyes tight and hold my hands over ears. I choose to struggle. I revert to last ditch battle cries and my very own “rebel yell.” I seem to be trying to get the universe to bend to my will. When I find myself relentlessly asking, “Why,” I always remember the nugget: Why-ing is dying. Need to practice asking, “How.”

I need help to love the hard, difficult (for me) people without completely cutting them off. The list is short, yet it’s still a list. Verbal pauses are powerful for me. So often when I keep on talking, and talking, I end up talking my power to choose right out of me.

Put up some Christmas decorations. Trimmed the tree. Just a sprinkling in my living room. I am happy Mom is no longer in a failed state. She lived a long time and had a pretty healthy 91 years. No hospitalizations to speak of; common health issues treated and managed with meds. In her house till she ws carried out of it. Two months without her today. Spoke to the paralegal helping me out with mom’s affairs and thankful for a pretty short “to-do’s” list.

Smiling now seeing Mom healthy and feisty. We were a team. And no matter what therapy, or journalling, or meetings, or any other discovery of mind, heart, soul or Spirit may ever reveal about us and/or our “Family of Origin”… I love . A really wise woman talked about the paradox of human life: everything changes and nothing (ever) changes.