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I have learned something to be true that I once did not believe. I learned that I can love someone with all my heart and yet not thrive in the relationship. I can love someone with all my heart and feel alone. I can love someone intensely and be willing to sacrifice my beliefs and…
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No matter what I can’t see; no matter what I’m not able to hear; no matter how unsure my steps; and no matter my choices, Higher Power will not fail. I may doubt; wonder why; feel despondent and unable to go on … as long as I continue to pray for willingness, all will be…
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Mom continues to journey home. My Higher Power continues to bless her with guided steps, protection, and freedom from pain. Sleeping and sleeping. She can finally rest and sleep like she never did in her stronger years. The caring I feel in my heart for her is real. And I know that because it is…
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I cannot ask for “more” of anything. This is true. I cannot ask for:– more protection– more financial provision– more peace in my home– more friends– more health– more love from my children– more food– more rest– more talents and treasures– more Mom– more time to be “here” I could go on… Gratitude and thankfulness…
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I saw a photo of Mom taken in January on her birthday when we went to the casino. It allowed me to see how much she has declined over the past six months. I don’t see where, at this rate of decline, Mom will be here in another six months. She barely eats these days;…
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Checking on Mom via the Ring cameras is heart-breaking. Yet, I had the fleeting remembrance last night of my therapist’s perspective: “This is her death. You cannot change it. You can only keep vigil with her.” Mom is not in pain and she is in her home. Yet, I feel pulled in many directions most…
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Going about my morning, I spent time on the phone. Read some. Then… I remembered that Terrence was gone. My heart hurts. I really want a do-over on this one. Don’t want to accept it. I’m so grateful for all my Terrence hugs. My Terrence smiles. Having had the privilege of conversations with Terrence. Listening…
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I had a great cry last night and, for part of it, I had Kevin on the other end of the phone. We lost Terrence. He passed on the twenty-second. More will be revealed. I pray he is whole, free and floating with the stars. I pray for his family, girlfriend and close friends. I…
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Sat with Mom yesterday. Got her to smile a few times. I love her so. “Resurrect your mind from the little habits that keep you worldly all the time. Smile that perpetual smile — that smile of God. Smile that strong smile of balanced recklessness — that million-dollar smile that no one can take from…
Faith & Roses 