caregiving
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Checking on Mom via the Ring cameras is heart-breaking. Yet, I had the fleeting remembrance last night of my therapist’s perspective: “This is her death. You cannot change it. You can only keep vigil with her.” Mom is not in pain and she is in her home. Yet, I feel pulled in many directions most…
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Easter Sunday. Quiet. Coffee. Home Group today. It was a busy week: hospice care, “Comfort Care,” case manager, social worker, RN, chaplain, drug delivery, freebie delivery. We made it through. Thank God whose presence and power I am aware of. New meds for Mom. She was really knocked out last night. It would be better…
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Brief musing: Fantasy: living in the past’s first cousin. Another way to medicate my feelings. I filled in for Mom’s aid yesterday. I am always appreciative of what these aids do. It was “okay,” and I did what I needed to do. Mom is failing more. Sleeping a lot – quietly tapping out on and…
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Hello March! The sun streaming in my kitchen window is fierce. The warmth I feel is a beautiful thing. Thinking about how I get to help some women in Recovery…it’s a real privilege, and I have been developing patience with them as with Self in the process. I can move away from frustration towards compassion…
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I spent the day (a good one) with Mom yesterday. Watching her nod on and off. I meditated on Marjorie’s words, “Mom is living between two worlds.” And I had a peace inside that felt new. It felt strong. I saw it for myself. I was able, in that moment, to accept it as reality.…
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I have been reminded [often] lately that I need help. Help only a Power greater than myself can provide. When I resist asking; when I choose to ruminate, and go on and on about what I see or what I think I see–what I think I know or don’t know–no goodness can get through. There…
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When I cannot or will not extend grace to others, then I know I am refusing the grace my God has for me. God as I understand God to be gives abundantly, to overflowing. And that grace changes me. By its very nature, it flows over to my brothers and sisters with no holds barred.…
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I let the texts roll in yesterday and turned my phone off. It was less stressful and freed me from inevitable compulsivity. Spent the last two days with Mom (and that made it the last two weekends with Mom.) Mom’s CNA has grown somewhat complacent. In all fairness, I don’t believe there’s much incentive in…
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Mom continues to decline. It’s possible the much need respite I was blessed with was also to strengthen me for the “next phase.” Shaking hands. Diminishing appetite. Increasing withdrawal into… self? A cocoon of isolation. Decreased ability to understand verbal cues… instruction. Worsening depression. Mom is growing more tired of her physical limits and pains.…
Faith & Roses 